“I write to tell myself the truth” – Julia Cameron
I have been an avid journal keeper since my mid-twenties. I have written hundreds – thousands of pages – processing everything from everyday events to the meaning and purpose of life. Writing helped me understand myself and the world around me. Then, about a year ago, it stopped. I couldn’t make myself write anymore. Oh, I might write a sentence or two once or twice a month but nothing like my previous lengthy daily writing.
In retrospect, I realize I didn’t want to tell myself the truth anymore. It was maybe the scariest time of my life. I felt lost – my sense of direction and purpose were gone. I was just plodding through the work week – waiting for the weekend so I could do something exciting – like clean my apartment. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and to write about it only made it worse. (I’m sure I will write more about this later.) I had been doing a pretty good job of ignoring my age until this happened.
While I had always been guessed for 5-10 years younger than my actual age, all of a sudden, I felt “old.” When I saw myself in the mirror, I looked “old.” I started having aches and pains I had never had before. The haunting question in the back of my mind was “what do I do now?” As I slowly worked my way through all of that, I realized it is time to tell myself the truth again.
I’m 68. I don’t like the terms “years old” or “years young.” I also don’t like the terms “senior citizen, aging, elder, second half or third act.” I believe we need a new vocabulary about this phase of life. I recently heard years described as “how many times the earth has traveled around the sun.” So, I am 68 tats (trips around the sun.) Think that will catch on?
Anyway, since our ageless spirits flow seamlessly from one lifetime to the next, why can’t we flow seamlessly through this life? As I start processing the meaning and purpose of life again, it is my hope that you will find something helpful here. Is there anything you are not telling yourself the truth about? What might happen if you did?